Hung "Great Sausage or Can I Call You Dick?"

Hung is slowly becoming the next Weeds. I think that when Weeds ends which I feel is coming soon, this show will take its place. Craig Zisk, the director of both shows, sure knows how to pick his shows. I like this one a lot too.

Ray is called to the principal's office in a time when a bunch of teachers are being laid off. He's got a hickey on his neck and he's sure it's bad news. Then we flashback again to a day ago. They seem to do this a lot with this show. It's not a bad technique, but if they keep doing it, it's going to grow tiresome.

Ray is standing in the part of his house that has burned down. Brian, a construction worker and a former basketball player of Ray's, is helping him fix it. Because Ray is shit broke, he asks for a discount which he cutely nicknames "the Wolfpack deal". Brian agrees and moves on.

Ray joins Tanya in a diner. Ray becomes her bitch, literally the word he uses, and Tanya becomes her pimp. Ray is officially a "happiness consultant" according to Tanya. They pick their first client: Lenore. Lenore is a complete bitch who Tanya secretly worships. She actually doesn't, but Tanya gives her that look every time. We flashback to Tanya at her law firm. Lenore has retired because she hates her job and tries to persuade Tanya to do the same, but Tanya needs the money and can't afford to. Lenore now is a fashion consultant meaning that she picks out dresses for her clients and they pay her. Apparently, Lenore is loaded from this somehow.

Ray returns to the school where he see the kids. Dana is asking for them both to have solos during the chorus recital, but neither of them want to. They tell Ray to hurry up with fixing the house because they hate Mom. Ray and Dana talk for a while and then the two go back to doing what they were doing what they were doing before.

Tanya calls Lenore and asks her if she would be her first client. Lenore accepts, but refuses to pay for it. Tanya bargains with her for a little and then Lenore agrees to pay $400. Ray shows up as Richard (here's the "Can I call you dick?" part). Ray gets down to business with Lenore which involves some particular instructions such as "Lick my ass!". The two eventually fall asleep. Ray convinces himself he'll only stay 10 minutes, but wakes up the next morning. He quickly puts clothes on, but can't find his wallet because Lenore has stolen it. Ray rushes off to school wallet-less and with a big hickey on his neck.

Dana has lunch with the kids at a diner. She poorly attempts to bond with them and of course, the kids are not amused especially when she starts to talk about her son's skull ring.

Ray gets called to the principal's office...but it's not to be laid off. It's because he said 'shit' to his students in a speech. Ray feels relaxed now and leaves. Tanya calls and he tells her how it went. Tanya is pleased and tells him she'll find his wallet. The episode ends and the song "My Dick" plays during the credits. Brilliance.

"Great Sausage or Can I Call You Dick?" Grade: A-

Weeds "A Modest Proposal"

It's six months later. Life must have finally quieted down for Nancy who is currently in the shower. Sorry boys, the shower's glass is blurry and obscures anything too revealing. Of course, there's always that scene in the bathtub where Mary Louise Parker's boobs are pointlessly sitting outside the water...and yet I love it. Nancy, who is now very pregnant, sits down and reads "What to Expect When You're Expecting". She's interrupted when Esteban gives a her a ring. Don't worry, he's just lying, it's an ugly purple stone that belongs to a wrestling team Esteban owns. She walks into the bedroom. He is lying on the bed naked with a pillow covering himself. Nancy lies down next to him. They cuddle and discuss things until he actually pops the question. Nancy, being the dimwit that she is, accepts his offer.

Things in Ren Mar have become despicable. Andy has grown a big (fake) beard and has grown an affinity for Mrs. Pac Man. He has spent all of Judah's money on arcade games. Nancy pays him a visit, but Andy won't talk to her. She leaves a message on his phone in his house so that she can hear him. He still won't talk to her and rightfully so. When you are related to are in a relationship with Nancy, it must be a rule that you must be doublecrossed or get screwed over. She has a trail of two dead husbands, a marriage to a Mexican drug lord/mayor of Tijauna, a dysfunctional family, two screwed up kids, and one angry brother in law.

Isabelle sprays a fake tan onto Doug who looks like a splotchy carrot. Doug has set his heart on becoming his role model who was a rich douche bag. Of course, any role model in this show is never actually a role model. Later, the police officer confronts Silas about his lack of money coming from the store. The business has been slow. Doug decides that he should do the worst thing possible and kick the guy out of the operation. What do we do now? asks Silas. Doug provides no answer.

Celia now works at the equivalent to Foot Locker yet she still wears stilettos. She misses the bus one day and a glamorous woman who is putting on makeup drives by. Celia realizes how much she likes cosmetics. The woman goes back and asks her if she wants a ride. Celia gets in the car.

Shane plays hookey with his new "role model", Ignacio. They make fun of the golf players by honking the horn when they are about to take a shot. Ignacio ends up beating one of them up which scares Shane. Shane avoids Ignacio now. It's about time.

Andy makes a visit to Esteban's mansion. He sees Esteban in his fencing suit and gets into a duel with him. Nobody wins because there's another visitor. Esteban's ex-wife has arrived. While that's all going on, Andy discusses the reality of this whole sugar coated life that Nancy is currently living. Nancy doesn't see anything wrong. Okay, how much longer before Nancy hooks up with Andy is forced to leave Esteban? Esteban is seen arguing with his ex-wife in feverish Spanish...but without titles for the viewer. She leaves and Esteban walks back to Nancy and tells her "We're not getting married". Nancy gives a 'oh! ex-ca-use me! oh, i know you did not just say that to me!' look.

So, what did I think of the episode? I thought it was very nice. It continues to surprise me how good the last few episodes have been. The last three have been a return to the first season. I care about the characters, the story has been good, the dialogue was witty. It's aced all three criteria for this. It's the best season so far since season two. Congratulations, Jenji Kohan.

"A Modest Proposal" Grade: A-

True Blood "Shake and Fingerpop"

This episode starts exactly where we left off (as most True Blood episodes do). Sam and Daphne go for a little midnight skinny dip. While the two are swimming around, Daphne asks if he wants to go somewhere with her. He says no, but she tells him he doesn't have to worry about her seeing his dick because the water is not opaque. She gets out and Sam sees her scratches.

At Marianne's house, Tara is talking to Sookie on the phone when Marianne comes in dressed in some kind of idiotic Indian princess dress. Tara quickly finishes her phone call and tells her that she's going to move in with Sookie. Marianne says she's very sorry and tries to get Tara to dance with her to the nonexistent music. Tara gets mad and says "I don't want to dance right now!".

Sookie talks to the new chef at Merlotte's who gets anxious when he explains that Sam is leaving and he has to take over. Sookie confronts Sam about this and the get into a little fight. Jason is eating breakfast at the Fellowship of the Sun. He idiotically talks with his frenemies (they pranked him really bad the other night which made Jason PMS) about who the first vampire actually was. For some reason, they all seem to think that it was in the Bible. Jason starts with Dracula and the conversation eventually leads to Cain from Cain and Abel. The loudspeaker comes on and Jason is wanted by Steve. Steve takes him on a trip to go paintballing. Jason's a very good shot. If only Ryan Kwanted were actually that good a shot.

Tara comes to Sookie's house. She gives her a gift which turns out to be a picture of her, Gran, and Tara when they were much younger. Tara almost refuses to take, but Sookie tells her she must. Sookie tells her that she's leaving for a while so Tara can have the house. The first thing Tara does in the house is...nothing. She sits and watches TV, but while she's doing this, she hears someone outside. Surprise! It's Marianne, Eggs, and the unimportant cook who got smacked before for giving Tara a towel. They tell her she's getting a party for her birthday.

Lafayette is doing something quite similar to Tara actually. He's watching TV, but he's watching good TV. He's watching the scene where Jason fights the skeletons in Jason and the Arganaunts. Eric appears at the window and wants to come inside. Lafayette remembers that you must invite a vampire inside for him to be able enter and reminds Eric of it. Eric tells Lafayette that his gunshot wound is infected and he must drink Eric's blood or he will die. Lafayette submits to this, but by accident, drinks too much blood and starts going stir crazy causing him to hump a couch.

Terry walks into the autopsy room where two other police officers are examining Miss Lanette's body. One of them takes Terry's badge because they found out he was drunk. Later, Arlene asks Sam is she can close an hour early because Tara's having a party. Sam agrees because Terry is the only customer and is just drinking. Soon, Daphne gets word of the party and tells Sam she's going. Of course, that means Sam's going too.

Sookie gets to Dallas in an Anubis Airlines, a strictly vampire only, flight. She walks over to the limo and sees Jessica and Bill's coffins being delivered. Sookie is hesitant to get into the limo when she hears the driver's thoughts. Bill saves her and takes the driver with him. Jessica is still trying to get out of her coffin. They arrive at the hotel and check in. Jessica toys with the new vampire hypnosis which Bill has just taught her and uses it on the driver. She makes the driver spit out some obscene phrase in the middle of the lobby. They get up to their room and question the driver. Turns out he's from the Fellowship of the Sun. Uh oh.

At the Fellowship of the Sun, Jason fantasizes over Sara while she makes him something on the grill. After his fantasy is over, she tells him that he has been promoted to a Soldier of the Sun. When the boys get word of this, they get pissed and tell him to have an affair with Sara. The newly reformed Jason doesn't do those kind of things.

At Merlotte's, Tara's mother comes. She asks Sam if he's still going out with her, but he says he's not. She gives him a present to give to Tara.

Tara's party gets hoppin' when Marianne changes the music from country to some kind of odd rock techno. Sam puts his present for Tara on the table, but Marianne throws it away. Marianne leaves the party and walks somewhere. Things really get hoppin' when the rest of Bon Temps arrives and even more so when it turns into an orgy...again. WILD SEX PARTAY!!! WOOHOO! This time it's even more nutty. Tara and Eggs get to having sex in Sookie's bedroom. Nice, but I hope they clean the sheets. Terry gets with Arlene. Daphne gets with Sam. Get this. People start rubbing Tara's birthday cake all over themselves in suggestive manners. Boobs pop out and men go wild. One woman even eats dirt while two men fight over her. Marianne is standing at the top of a hill doing her whole shaking orgasmically thing. Her hands now have three claws, not five fingers.

Sookie looks at vampire porn titles in the On Demand feature on her TV. She sees one called "Intercourse with a Vampire" and says "Eew!". I don't really get why she thinks that's so disgusting because she does that on the daily. A man rings the door. He brings over a boy which Jessica claims is hers. Sookie starts making mental notes about this while she accidentally has a mind conversation with the bellhop Barry who runs away when he realizes this.

"Shake and Fingerpop" Grade: A

Harpers Island "Gasp" and "Sigh" (SERIES FINALE)

Harper's Island has finally come to a close. The last two episodes were so-so. Actually, that's incorrect. "Gasp" sucked, but "Sigh" was good enough. There really is no summary needed. Everyone dies except for Abby, Jimmy, Shea, and Madison. The other killer was...Henry! A surprisingly nice twist. He was helping Wakefield, who happened to be his father, and even killed Trish who ran around like an idiot in the wood in her wedding dress. Abby ends up killing Henry and she's upset that she's now a murderer. Whatever.

"Gasp" was just excrutiatingly boring. I sat there squirming in my seat waiting for the ending. It was honestly the worst episode of the whole season. They could have condensed it into the next episode and just made "Sigh" and hour and a half.

Now, let's talk about Harper's Island as a whole. Did I like it? Sort of. Half was good, half was terrible. Did I have fun? Yes. Harper's Island was good enough to hold my attention, but it definitely peaked in the middle. The end, which should have been the best part, became predictable, but what should you have expected from a summer show? It's not supposed to be HBO material!

"Gasp" Grade: C- "Sigh" Grade:B Finale Grade: C+ Show Grade: B-

Nurse Jackie "Daffodil"

This episode was an excuse to make a midnight shift one. It's not like it was a poor excuse though. It was quite funny.

It starts with Grace asking Jackie why she always has to work. She gives Grace a very nonchalant response and continues to prepare a dinner of burgers and fries. Grace gets upset when she can't open a bottle of Gummy Vites. She gets upset again and leaves the table. The other daughter starts sticking fries up her nose. Yum.

Jackie gets to work with Zoey managing things in the ER. She tells her how to file patients. Mrs. Akalitus comes over and also tries to help, but Jackie explains nicely that Zoey is not stupid. A hooker comes in asking for a pregnancy test. Jackie tells her to fuck off because this is the fourth time she's tried this. The hooker complains that she doesn't have fifteen dollars lying around so Jackie gives it to her. She walks away with a disgruntled look.

A little girl with her mother who is in a wheelchair and is having trouble breathing. Jackie immediately helps her. The little girl explains that her mother has lupus. The girl shows Jackie a chart of her mother's blood pressures, all of which are normal. Mrs. Akalitus snaps at Jackie for bringing the ten year old girl into the ICU which is apparently forbidden. The girl says that her grandmother will be there to get her anyway and goes into the waiting room.

Jackie tends to a man who has had a severe stroke. The family surrounding his is distasteful. Jackie (and the viewer) immediately hates them. He asks the man a few simple questions, but he can't answer any of them because he's having trouble talking.

Jackie gets a call from her husband about Grace. She tells him that she still doesn't want any medication for her. The call ends and she agrees to go on a date later with Eddie. Downstairs, Eddie meets Dr. Cooper. The two become quite friendly and Dr. Cooper offers to take Eddie to Quiznos.

Outside, Jackie socializes with Momo who is smoking a cigarette. He's drinking a hot coffee in the middle of winter. He tells Jackie that he prefers the coffee of George Clooney's cock. Jackie cautions him that Clooney has a house in Lake Como. It's not too long before Mrs. Akalitus comes outside and yells at Momo for smoking. Jackie points out that there's a whole crowd of doctors smoking across the street. Jackie heads back inside. She sees the little girl studying her spelling words on flashcards. Jackie decides to break the rules again and brings the girl into the ICU. Jackie comes back and tells Thor that Momo asked for pizza and a sugared donut which is really just a lie because its for her. Later, to her dismay, Thor has eaten the snacks.

Jackie walks into Eddie's office and finds him and Dr. Cooper eating Quiznos. Eddie offers her a seat, but she's a bit uncomfortable around Dr. Cooper. She takes some painkillers and leaves. Dr. Cooper mentions that he groped Jackie once which pisses Eddie off.

While Mrs. Akalitus is walking in the hallway, she finds a taser lying the middle of the floor. She walks into an elevator to bring it to security and accidentally tasers herself. Thor finds her and tells her she'll be fine in fifteen minutes.

Jackie clears the little girl's mother. When she's walking back to her desk, she sees Mrs. Akalitus in a bed who is embarrassed about her incident. Jackie takes the little girl's ideas on her flashcards and uses it. She makes flashcards for the stroke patient's family that say fuck off on them.

Dr. O'Hara tells Jackie that she's ready for a meal. Jackie cancels which makes Dr. O'Hara upset. Zoey volunteers to go instead. The two share an interesting meal and don't exactly bond.

Jackie finally arrives at home in the morning. The little girl calls her cellphone. She says that her mother has so much pain in her arm that she can barely lift it. Jackie tells her how to use painkillers and how to administer them to her mother.

"Daffodil" Grade: A-

Weeds "Van Nuys"

I was suprised by how good this episode actually was. This season got off to a rocky start, but it really has evened out and is starting to return to its old witty dialogue. It seems that Weeds has found its legs in a new location.

The episode opens with Nancy sitting in a waiting room. She is sitting with Andy conversing. While she is doing this, a woman eating an extremely unhealthy snack. This disgusts her and she confronts the woman about how it may unhealthy for the baby. If she said that to someone in New York, they'd probably punch her in the face. I guess it's a good thing she lives in SoCal. The woman gives her a "does-it-look-like-I-care" look, says something witty, and continues eating. Nancy goes into the OB-GYN's examination room. The OB-GYN walks in and it's...Alanis Morisette! She's actually quite a good actress. I really don't care for her music, but I have to admit, her "My Humps" video on YouTube is hilarious! If you haven't seen it, search it up. She sings it as if it's a ballad. It's pure musical genius. Morisette examines Nancy and says everything is fine. Nancy asks her if she can still abort the baby. Morisette says there's still time. Nancy asks what she can do in the mean time. She tells her to just relax a little and buy some coriander. Ah, the theme of plants in this show.

Shane is throwing things at plates in the backyard and listening to screamo metal. Isabelle stands there watching and pretends that she still has a part on this show. Oh well, at least she got a few lines this episode. Ignacio comes over and shoots one of the plates. He goes over to the iPod and turns it off. Shane explains that he's mad because his teacher stole his weed and Isabelle is just there because she likes watching. What a bitch. Ignacio tells them he has other plans.

Nancy and Andy are walking to her house with all the coriander and other plants that she has bought. Andy tries to convince Nancy that the plants won't help and that she should get an abortion. Nancy pretends not to listen. She goes into the garage and hears someone walking around. She says that she has a gun (she doesn't). Knowing Nancy's stupidity, she would probably shoot herself in the foot by accident if she actually had a gun. Celia crawls out and says "It's me and I know you don't even have a gun". They get into yet another bitch fight over her staying in her house. Finally, Nancy comes to an agreement and lets her stay for two days, but two days only!

Ignacio, Isabelle, and Shane burst into Shane's teacher's apartment. It's not too shabby either. Shane threatens him with a gun while Ignacio takes the weed. Then Ignacio holds him at gunpoint. He tells Shane to take other things as a trophy as well. Shane takes a theremin, a Zune, and rollerblades as well. As they are leaving, Ignacio tells Shane to shoot his teacher in the leg, but Shane shoots his bird instead. Ignacio bursts out crying and says "No! Not the birdy!".

The next day, Celia brings home groceries for herself. The refrigerator in the garage is too small for her, so she opens a box that is refrigerated. Inside the box is Sucio. Celia is terrified and runs around shouting "DEAD MEXICAN!!!!". She goes upstairs and wakes up Nancy. Nancy leaves a message for Esteban telling him to retrieve the body.

Andy/Judah goes on a date with Margaret. The two share a meat fondue. She makes him quote all sorts of books he's never read (because that's what Judah did when they went on their date). She then says to him "I want you to take my virginity". Andy spits out his food. They go to a beach. She goes "Isn't this just beautiful?". The camera pans around and there's a bunch of hoboes lying around. They start kissing (of course, unwillingly from Andy). Eventually it gets to the point where Andy goes "You know what? I don't think this is the way Judah did it?". She goes "Oh, you're right" and bends over. Andy tells her he's not going to have sex with her, but he remembers he wants the money. He has sex with her in front a bunch of hoboes who are taking shits and jerking off.

The least interesting storyline award goes to Silas and Doug. The odd couple plus one corrupt police officer realizes that they don't have enough pot to support this operation. The police officer tells them to go to a dealer named The Wizard, an old friend of his. Silas and Doug go to him, but while they are trying to make a deal, Doug badmouths him and the deal is off. Silas and Doug get into a fight and then make up with each other. See? Wasn't that a pointless paragraph.

Nancy finds out that Shane robbed his teacher. She talks to Ignacio about it and he says sorry, but laughs it off later. She makes Shane return everything he stole and apologize. He does, but his teacher still is mad and tells him that he will get an F for the year. Nancy gets all mad and knocks him around a bit verbally. Shane says "Cool", but then Nancy tells him he's grounded.

The two men take care of Sucio's body by dumping it in acid while Celia watches. Celia tells her that she's staying for as long as she needs to because she took pictures of the incident. Oops.

Andy returns home and sits with Nancy on a bench. Nancy asks why an armageddon always has to fall into her lap. Andy tells her that it's all her fault. The more concise answer would have been that she is a slut who has two dead husbands, is pregnant with the mayor of Tijauna, and is a drug dealing morther with no values. That's why. They talk about moving away and agree to. They return to their rooms to pack. Nancy writes something down which is later revealed to be a letter to Andy.

In the letter, she tells Andy that she has moved to Esteban's mansion in California with Shane. Andy is pissed. Excuse me, but she left her other son behind. What was she thinking!? Bad mommy!

"Van Nuys" Grade: A

Better Off Ted "Bioshuffle"

I stopped watching Better Off Ted for a little. I felt like it was too much quirk for one bite, but I eventually came back to it because let's face it, there is nothing good to watch during the week aside from Nurse Jackie and Weeds, therefore, I turn my attention to light things like this and America's Got Talent. Any why not? They're fun and don't need too much attention.

After a toxic liquid leaks from the lab onto Linda's desk, the whole floor becomes quarantined. Linda, having nowhere to stay, he asks Ted if she can stay with him. Ted, being charming and unprofessional, says yes. Linda moves into Ted's spacious office with her pet goldfish. Apparently, to Linda, being cute means pretending to be a fish's "wa-wa" aka mother. There's some very funny fish involving the fish's "wa-wa" in which Linda stares at the fishbowl and says lines like "Can you say wa-wa?".

Things aren't perfect for too long when Linda becomes a mere distraction for Ted rather than an office attraction. Eventually, he asks Linda to write a report of some sort and she refuses. Linda then makes more remarks towards her fish. One day, she catches him staring at her butt instead of working and then gets all pissed for some reason. Didn't she want to get with him last time I checked? I thought that was the whole point of this sexual tension.

In other news, Lem finds a hot Asian girl who he wants to go out with. He finally asks her out. The next day, she tells him that last night went well, but Lem remembers (in a flashback) headbutting her by accident when they were about to kiss and he sneezed from her perfume. Very funny. The next day, he finds her with another man and of course, breaks up with her.

Ted eventually persuades Veronica to reopen the office and let Linda go back to her workspace. There's one part where she assembles a gun and shoots a pillow, but that's off topic as most of this series seems to be. During the end credits, Linda is picking up boxes from Ted's office. He stares at her butt just one more time, but this time she has taped a note saying "If you're staring at this, you're being unprofessional." A nice little touch.

"Bioshuffle" Grade: A-