Hung "Great Sausage or Can I Call You Dick?"

Hung is slowly becoming the next Weeds. I think that when Weeds ends which I feel is coming soon, this show will take its place. Craig Zisk, the director of both shows, sure knows how to pick his shows. I like this one a lot too.

Ray is called to the principal's office in a time when a bunch of teachers are being laid off. He's got a hickey on his neck and he's sure it's bad news. Then we flashback again to a day ago. They seem to do this a lot with this show. It's not a bad technique, but if they keep doing it, it's going to grow tiresome.

Ray is standing in the part of his house that has burned down. Brian, a construction worker and a former basketball player of Ray's, is helping him fix it. Because Ray is shit broke, he asks for a discount which he cutely nicknames "the Wolfpack deal". Brian agrees and moves on.

Ray joins Tanya in a diner. Ray becomes her bitch, literally the word he uses, and Tanya becomes her pimp. Ray is officially a "happiness consultant" according to Tanya. They pick their first client: Lenore. Lenore is a complete bitch who Tanya secretly worships. She actually doesn't, but Tanya gives her that look every time. We flashback to Tanya at her law firm. Lenore has retired because she hates her job and tries to persuade Tanya to do the same, but Tanya needs the money and can't afford to. Lenore now is a fashion consultant meaning that she picks out dresses for her clients and they pay her. Apparently, Lenore is loaded from this somehow.

Ray returns to the school where he see the kids. Dana is asking for them both to have solos during the chorus recital, but neither of them want to. They tell Ray to hurry up with fixing the house because they hate Mom. Ray and Dana talk for a while and then the two go back to doing what they were doing what they were doing before.

Tanya calls Lenore and asks her if she would be her first client. Lenore accepts, but refuses to pay for it. Tanya bargains with her for a little and then Lenore agrees to pay $400. Ray shows up as Richard (here's the "Can I call you dick?" part). Ray gets down to business with Lenore which involves some particular instructions such as "Lick my ass!". The two eventually fall asleep. Ray convinces himself he'll only stay 10 minutes, but wakes up the next morning. He quickly puts clothes on, but can't find his wallet because Lenore has stolen it. Ray rushes off to school wallet-less and with a big hickey on his neck.

Dana has lunch with the kids at a diner. She poorly attempts to bond with them and of course, the kids are not amused especially when she starts to talk about her son's skull ring.

Ray gets called to the principal's office...but it's not to be laid off. It's because he said 'shit' to his students in a speech. Ray feels relaxed now and leaves. Tanya calls and he tells her how it went. Tanya is pleased and tells him she'll find his wallet. The episode ends and the song "My Dick" plays during the credits. Brilliance.

"Great Sausage or Can I Call You Dick?" Grade: A-

Weeds "A Modest Proposal"

It's six months later. Life must have finally quieted down for Nancy who is currently in the shower. Sorry boys, the shower's glass is blurry and obscures anything too revealing. Of course, there's always that scene in the bathtub where Mary Louise Parker's boobs are pointlessly sitting outside the water...and yet I love it. Nancy, who is now very pregnant, sits down and reads "What to Expect When You're Expecting". She's interrupted when Esteban gives a her a ring. Don't worry, he's just lying, it's an ugly purple stone that belongs to a wrestling team Esteban owns. She walks into the bedroom. He is lying on the bed naked with a pillow covering himself. Nancy lies down next to him. They cuddle and discuss things until he actually pops the question. Nancy, being the dimwit that she is, accepts his offer.

Things in Ren Mar have become despicable. Andy has grown a big (fake) beard and has grown an affinity for Mrs. Pac Man. He has spent all of Judah's money on arcade games. Nancy pays him a visit, but Andy won't talk to her. She leaves a message on his phone in his house so that she can hear him. He still won't talk to her and rightfully so. When you are related to are in a relationship with Nancy, it must be a rule that you must be doublecrossed or get screwed over. She has a trail of two dead husbands, a marriage to a Mexican drug lord/mayor of Tijauna, a dysfunctional family, two screwed up kids, and one angry brother in law.

Isabelle sprays a fake tan onto Doug who looks like a splotchy carrot. Doug has set his heart on becoming his role model who was a rich douche bag. Of course, any role model in this show is never actually a role model. Later, the police officer confronts Silas about his lack of money coming from the store. The business has been slow. Doug decides that he should do the worst thing possible and kick the guy out of the operation. What do we do now? asks Silas. Doug provides no answer.

Celia now works at the equivalent to Foot Locker yet she still wears stilettos. She misses the bus one day and a glamorous woman who is putting on makeup drives by. Celia realizes how much she likes cosmetics. The woman goes back and asks her if she wants a ride. Celia gets in the car.

Shane plays hookey with his new "role model", Ignacio. They make fun of the golf players by honking the horn when they are about to take a shot. Ignacio ends up beating one of them up which scares Shane. Shane avoids Ignacio now. It's about time.

Andy makes a visit to Esteban's mansion. He sees Esteban in his fencing suit and gets into a duel with him. Nobody wins because there's another visitor. Esteban's ex-wife has arrived. While that's all going on, Andy discusses the reality of this whole sugar coated life that Nancy is currently living. Nancy doesn't see anything wrong. Okay, how much longer before Nancy hooks up with Andy is forced to leave Esteban? Esteban is seen arguing with his ex-wife in feverish Spanish...but without titles for the viewer. She leaves and Esteban walks back to Nancy and tells her "We're not getting married". Nancy gives a 'oh! ex-ca-use me! oh, i know you did not just say that to me!' look.

So, what did I think of the episode? I thought it was very nice. It continues to surprise me how good the last few episodes have been. The last three have been a return to the first season. I care about the characters, the story has been good, the dialogue was witty. It's aced all three criteria for this. It's the best season so far since season two. Congratulations, Jenji Kohan.

"A Modest Proposal" Grade: A-

True Blood "Shake and Fingerpop"

This episode starts exactly where we left off (as most True Blood episodes do). Sam and Daphne go for a little midnight skinny dip. While the two are swimming around, Daphne asks if he wants to go somewhere with her. He says no, but she tells him he doesn't have to worry about her seeing his dick because the water is not opaque. She gets out and Sam sees her scratches.

At Marianne's house, Tara is talking to Sookie on the phone when Marianne comes in dressed in some kind of idiotic Indian princess dress. Tara quickly finishes her phone call and tells her that she's going to move in with Sookie. Marianne says she's very sorry and tries to get Tara to dance with her to the nonexistent music. Tara gets mad and says "I don't want to dance right now!".

Sookie talks to the new chef at Merlotte's who gets anxious when he explains that Sam is leaving and he has to take over. Sookie confronts Sam about this and the get into a little fight. Jason is eating breakfast at the Fellowship of the Sun. He idiotically talks with his frenemies (they pranked him really bad the other night which made Jason PMS) about who the first vampire actually was. For some reason, they all seem to think that it was in the Bible. Jason starts with Dracula and the conversation eventually leads to Cain from Cain and Abel. The loudspeaker comes on and Jason is wanted by Steve. Steve takes him on a trip to go paintballing. Jason's a very good shot. If only Ryan Kwanted were actually that good a shot.

Tara comes to Sookie's house. She gives her a gift which turns out to be a picture of her, Gran, and Tara when they were much younger. Tara almost refuses to take, but Sookie tells her she must. Sookie tells her that she's leaving for a while so Tara can have the house. The first thing Tara does in the house is...nothing. She sits and watches TV, but while she's doing this, she hears someone outside. Surprise! It's Marianne, Eggs, and the unimportant cook who got smacked before for giving Tara a towel. They tell her she's getting a party for her birthday.

Lafayette is doing something quite similar to Tara actually. He's watching TV, but he's watching good TV. He's watching the scene where Jason fights the skeletons in Jason and the Arganaunts. Eric appears at the window and wants to come inside. Lafayette remembers that you must invite a vampire inside for him to be able enter and reminds Eric of it. Eric tells Lafayette that his gunshot wound is infected and he must drink Eric's blood or he will die. Lafayette submits to this, but by accident, drinks too much blood and starts going stir crazy causing him to hump a couch.

Terry walks into the autopsy room where two other police officers are examining Miss Lanette's body. One of them takes Terry's badge because they found out he was drunk. Later, Arlene asks Sam is she can close an hour early because Tara's having a party. Sam agrees because Terry is the only customer and is just drinking. Soon, Daphne gets word of the party and tells Sam she's going. Of course, that means Sam's going too.

Sookie gets to Dallas in an Anubis Airlines, a strictly vampire only, flight. She walks over to the limo and sees Jessica and Bill's coffins being delivered. Sookie is hesitant to get into the limo when she hears the driver's thoughts. Bill saves her and takes the driver with him. Jessica is still trying to get out of her coffin. They arrive at the hotel and check in. Jessica toys with the new vampire hypnosis which Bill has just taught her and uses it on the driver. She makes the driver spit out some obscene phrase in the middle of the lobby. They get up to their room and question the driver. Turns out he's from the Fellowship of the Sun. Uh oh.

At the Fellowship of the Sun, Jason fantasizes over Sara while she makes him something on the grill. After his fantasy is over, she tells him that he has been promoted to a Soldier of the Sun. When the boys get word of this, they get pissed and tell him to have an affair with Sara. The newly reformed Jason doesn't do those kind of things.

At Merlotte's, Tara's mother comes. She asks Sam if he's still going out with her, but he says he's not. She gives him a present to give to Tara.

Tara's party gets hoppin' when Marianne changes the music from country to some kind of odd rock techno. Sam puts his present for Tara on the table, but Marianne throws it away. Marianne leaves the party and walks somewhere. Things really get hoppin' when the rest of Bon Temps arrives and even more so when it turns into an orgy...again. WILD SEX PARTAY!!! WOOHOO! This time it's even more nutty. Tara and Eggs get to having sex in Sookie's bedroom. Nice, but I hope they clean the sheets. Terry gets with Arlene. Daphne gets with Sam. Get this. People start rubbing Tara's birthday cake all over themselves in suggestive manners. Boobs pop out and men go wild. One woman even eats dirt while two men fight over her. Marianne is standing at the top of a hill doing her whole shaking orgasmically thing. Her hands now have three claws, not five fingers.

Sookie looks at vampire porn titles in the On Demand feature on her TV. She sees one called "Intercourse with a Vampire" and says "Eew!". I don't really get why she thinks that's so disgusting because she does that on the daily. A man rings the door. He brings over a boy which Jessica claims is hers. Sookie starts making mental notes about this while she accidentally has a mind conversation with the bellhop Barry who runs away when he realizes this.

"Shake and Fingerpop" Grade: A

Harpers Island "Gasp" and "Sigh" (SERIES FINALE)

Harper's Island has finally come to a close. The last two episodes were so-so. Actually, that's incorrect. "Gasp" sucked, but "Sigh" was good enough. There really is no summary needed. Everyone dies except for Abby, Jimmy, Shea, and Madison. The other killer was...Henry! A surprisingly nice twist. He was helping Wakefield, who happened to be his father, and even killed Trish who ran around like an idiot in the wood in her wedding dress. Abby ends up killing Henry and she's upset that she's now a murderer. Whatever.

"Gasp" was just excrutiatingly boring. I sat there squirming in my seat waiting for the ending. It was honestly the worst episode of the whole season. They could have condensed it into the next episode and just made "Sigh" and hour and a half.

Now, let's talk about Harper's Island as a whole. Did I like it? Sort of. Half was good, half was terrible. Did I have fun? Yes. Harper's Island was good enough to hold my attention, but it definitely peaked in the middle. The end, which should have been the best part, became predictable, but what should you have expected from a summer show? It's not supposed to be HBO material!

"Gasp" Grade: C- "Sigh" Grade:B Finale Grade: C+ Show Grade: B-

Nurse Jackie "Daffodil"

This episode was an excuse to make a midnight shift one. It's not like it was a poor excuse though. It was quite funny.

It starts with Grace asking Jackie why she always has to work. She gives Grace a very nonchalant response and continues to prepare a dinner of burgers and fries. Grace gets upset when she can't open a bottle of Gummy Vites. She gets upset again and leaves the table. The other daughter starts sticking fries up her nose. Yum.

Jackie gets to work with Zoey managing things in the ER. She tells her how to file patients. Mrs. Akalitus comes over and also tries to help, but Jackie explains nicely that Zoey is not stupid. A hooker comes in asking for a pregnancy test. Jackie tells her to fuck off because this is the fourth time she's tried this. The hooker complains that she doesn't have fifteen dollars lying around so Jackie gives it to her. She walks away with a disgruntled look.

A little girl with her mother who is in a wheelchair and is having trouble breathing. Jackie immediately helps her. The little girl explains that her mother has lupus. The girl shows Jackie a chart of her mother's blood pressures, all of which are normal. Mrs. Akalitus snaps at Jackie for bringing the ten year old girl into the ICU which is apparently forbidden. The girl says that her grandmother will be there to get her anyway and goes into the waiting room.

Jackie tends to a man who has had a severe stroke. The family surrounding his is distasteful. Jackie (and the viewer) immediately hates them. He asks the man a few simple questions, but he can't answer any of them because he's having trouble talking.

Jackie gets a call from her husband about Grace. She tells him that she still doesn't want any medication for her. The call ends and she agrees to go on a date later with Eddie. Downstairs, Eddie meets Dr. Cooper. The two become quite friendly and Dr. Cooper offers to take Eddie to Quiznos.

Outside, Jackie socializes with Momo who is smoking a cigarette. He's drinking a hot coffee in the middle of winter. He tells Jackie that he prefers the coffee of George Clooney's cock. Jackie cautions him that Clooney has a house in Lake Como. It's not too long before Mrs. Akalitus comes outside and yells at Momo for smoking. Jackie points out that there's a whole crowd of doctors smoking across the street. Jackie heads back inside. She sees the little girl studying her spelling words on flashcards. Jackie decides to break the rules again and brings the girl into the ICU. Jackie comes back and tells Thor that Momo asked for pizza and a sugared donut which is really just a lie because its for her. Later, to her dismay, Thor has eaten the snacks.

Jackie walks into Eddie's office and finds him and Dr. Cooper eating Quiznos. Eddie offers her a seat, but she's a bit uncomfortable around Dr. Cooper. She takes some painkillers and leaves. Dr. Cooper mentions that he groped Jackie once which pisses Eddie off.

While Mrs. Akalitus is walking in the hallway, she finds a taser lying the middle of the floor. She walks into an elevator to bring it to security and accidentally tasers herself. Thor finds her and tells her she'll be fine in fifteen minutes.

Jackie clears the little girl's mother. When she's walking back to her desk, she sees Mrs. Akalitus in a bed who is embarrassed about her incident. Jackie takes the little girl's ideas on her flashcards and uses it. She makes flashcards for the stroke patient's family that say fuck off on them.

Dr. O'Hara tells Jackie that she's ready for a meal. Jackie cancels which makes Dr. O'Hara upset. Zoey volunteers to go instead. The two share an interesting meal and don't exactly bond.

Jackie finally arrives at home in the morning. The little girl calls her cellphone. She says that her mother has so much pain in her arm that she can barely lift it. Jackie tells her how to use painkillers and how to administer them to her mother.

"Daffodil" Grade: A-

Weeds "Van Nuys"

I was suprised by how good this episode actually was. This season got off to a rocky start, but it really has evened out and is starting to return to its old witty dialogue. It seems that Weeds has found its legs in a new location.

The episode opens with Nancy sitting in a waiting room. She is sitting with Andy conversing. While she is doing this, a woman eating an extremely unhealthy snack. This disgusts her and she confronts the woman about how it may unhealthy for the baby. If she said that to someone in New York, they'd probably punch her in the face. I guess it's a good thing she lives in SoCal. The woman gives her a "does-it-look-like-I-care" look, says something witty, and continues eating. Nancy goes into the OB-GYN's examination room. The OB-GYN walks in and it's...Alanis Morisette! She's actually quite a good actress. I really don't care for her music, but I have to admit, her "My Humps" video on YouTube is hilarious! If you haven't seen it, search it up. She sings it as if it's a ballad. It's pure musical genius. Morisette examines Nancy and says everything is fine. Nancy asks her if she can still abort the baby. Morisette says there's still time. Nancy asks what she can do in the mean time. She tells her to just relax a little and buy some coriander. Ah, the theme of plants in this show.

Shane is throwing things at plates in the backyard and listening to screamo metal. Isabelle stands there watching and pretends that she still has a part on this show. Oh well, at least she got a few lines this episode. Ignacio comes over and shoots one of the plates. He goes over to the iPod and turns it off. Shane explains that he's mad because his teacher stole his weed and Isabelle is just there because she likes watching. What a bitch. Ignacio tells them he has other plans.

Nancy and Andy are walking to her house with all the coriander and other plants that she has bought. Andy tries to convince Nancy that the plants won't help and that she should get an abortion. Nancy pretends not to listen. She goes into the garage and hears someone walking around. She says that she has a gun (she doesn't). Knowing Nancy's stupidity, she would probably shoot herself in the foot by accident if she actually had a gun. Celia crawls out and says "It's me and I know you don't even have a gun". They get into yet another bitch fight over her staying in her house. Finally, Nancy comes to an agreement and lets her stay for two days, but two days only!

Ignacio, Isabelle, and Shane burst into Shane's teacher's apartment. It's not too shabby either. Shane threatens him with a gun while Ignacio takes the weed. Then Ignacio holds him at gunpoint. He tells Shane to take other things as a trophy as well. Shane takes a theremin, a Zune, and rollerblades as well. As they are leaving, Ignacio tells Shane to shoot his teacher in the leg, but Shane shoots his bird instead. Ignacio bursts out crying and says "No! Not the birdy!".

The next day, Celia brings home groceries for herself. The refrigerator in the garage is too small for her, so she opens a box that is refrigerated. Inside the box is Sucio. Celia is terrified and runs around shouting "DEAD MEXICAN!!!!". She goes upstairs and wakes up Nancy. Nancy leaves a message for Esteban telling him to retrieve the body.

Andy/Judah goes on a date with Margaret. The two share a meat fondue. She makes him quote all sorts of books he's never read (because that's what Judah did when they went on their date). She then says to him "I want you to take my virginity". Andy spits out his food. They go to a beach. She goes "Isn't this just beautiful?". The camera pans around and there's a bunch of hoboes lying around. They start kissing (of course, unwillingly from Andy). Eventually it gets to the point where Andy goes "You know what? I don't think this is the way Judah did it?". She goes "Oh, you're right" and bends over. Andy tells her he's not going to have sex with her, but he remembers he wants the money. He has sex with her in front a bunch of hoboes who are taking shits and jerking off.

The least interesting storyline award goes to Silas and Doug. The odd couple plus one corrupt police officer realizes that they don't have enough pot to support this operation. The police officer tells them to go to a dealer named The Wizard, an old friend of his. Silas and Doug go to him, but while they are trying to make a deal, Doug badmouths him and the deal is off. Silas and Doug get into a fight and then make up with each other. See? Wasn't that a pointless paragraph.

Nancy finds out that Shane robbed his teacher. She talks to Ignacio about it and he says sorry, but laughs it off later. She makes Shane return everything he stole and apologize. He does, but his teacher still is mad and tells him that he will get an F for the year. Nancy gets all mad and knocks him around a bit verbally. Shane says "Cool", but then Nancy tells him he's grounded.

The two men take care of Sucio's body by dumping it in acid while Celia watches. Celia tells her that she's staying for as long as she needs to because she took pictures of the incident. Oops.

Andy returns home and sits with Nancy on a bench. Nancy asks why an armageddon always has to fall into her lap. Andy tells her that it's all her fault. The more concise answer would have been that she is a slut who has two dead husbands, is pregnant with the mayor of Tijauna, and is a drug dealing morther with no values. That's why. They talk about moving away and agree to. They return to their rooms to pack. Nancy writes something down which is later revealed to be a letter to Andy.

In the letter, she tells Andy that she has moved to Esteban's mansion in California with Shane. Andy is pissed. Excuse me, but she left her other son behind. What was she thinking!? Bad mommy!

"Van Nuys" Grade: A

Better Off Ted "Bioshuffle"

I stopped watching Better Off Ted for a little. I felt like it was too much quirk for one bite, but I eventually came back to it because let's face it, there is nothing good to watch during the week aside from Nurse Jackie and Weeds, therefore, I turn my attention to light things like this and America's Got Talent. Any why not? They're fun and don't need too much attention.

After a toxic liquid leaks from the lab onto Linda's desk, the whole floor becomes quarantined. Linda, having nowhere to stay, he asks Ted if she can stay with him. Ted, being charming and unprofessional, says yes. Linda moves into Ted's spacious office with her pet goldfish. Apparently, to Linda, being cute means pretending to be a fish's "wa-wa" aka mother. There's some very funny fish involving the fish's "wa-wa" in which Linda stares at the fishbowl and says lines like "Can you say wa-wa?".

Things aren't perfect for too long when Linda becomes a mere distraction for Ted rather than an office attraction. Eventually, he asks Linda to write a report of some sort and she refuses. Linda then makes more remarks towards her fish. One day, she catches him staring at her butt instead of working and then gets all pissed for some reason. Didn't she want to get with him last time I checked? I thought that was the whole point of this sexual tension.

In other news, Lem finds a hot Asian girl who he wants to go out with. He finally asks her out. The next day, she tells him that last night went well, but Lem remembers (in a flashback) headbutting her by accident when they were about to kiss and he sneezed from her perfume. Very funny. The next day, he finds her with another man and of course, breaks up with her.

Ted eventually persuades Veronica to reopen the office and let Linda go back to her workspace. There's one part where she assembles a gun and shoots a pillow, but that's off topic as most of this series seems to be. During the end credits, Linda is picking up boxes from Ted's office. He stares at her butt just one more time, but this time she has taped a note saying "If you're staring at this, you're being unprofessional." A nice little touch.

"Bioshuffle" Grade: A-

Hung "Pilot"

I'm excited to say that Hung is another good HBO series. It was, after all, the most watched debut since John From Cincinnati. I think you can expect this one to be renewed.

Ray is a guy whose life has absolutely fallen apart. The beginning shows him coaching his basketball team who has lost every game last season. He tells them to go out there to kick some ass. As soon as they leave the locker room, he fakes a kidney stone and leaves. He changes into a suit and goes to his new job as an escort. But let's rewind a little. How did he get here?

Well, it's very simple actually. It all started out with his wife divorcing him. She yells at him through her car window as she's driving away "You used to be handsome, lovely, and well, hung." "What am I now?" he asks. She responds "Now, you're just hung!" and drives away. What an asshole. What ever possessed him to ever marry her. I guess he got custody of his children somehow and lives with them. A bunch of little things happen such as an annoying lawyer moving in next door and bringing him up on charges for a number of violations.

One night, while he is sleeping, a lightbulb somehow manages to makes the house catch on fire. I don't know how, but the important part is the house catches on fire. He and his son make it out alive. His daughter rushes home and they all have a little group hug. Since he doesn't have insurance, he can't get a hotel room for the mean time so he has to use a tent. There's only one tent which pisses his daughter so much that she calls Mom. That's how he lost his kids.

Realizing that he has no hope as a high school gym teacher, he attends a convention teaching him how to become an entrepeneur. He pays attention keenly, but a woman walking in distracts him. He recognizes her as Tanya, a poet who once gave a lecture to his gym class. Afterwards, the had 'tea' and by that I mean sex. The same thing happens afterwards the meeting as well. There's some nudity from Thomas Jane, but no frontal, ladies. They get into a fight and he leaves. Tanya attempts to insult him by saying "You're just hung!" which only gets him thinking about getting into the escort business.

While he is looking up salaries for an escort, his son walks in on him. He quickly shuts his laptop and talks to his son who asks to borrow fifty dollars. Realizing Ray has no money to spare, the son goes back to hanging out with his friends.

At the next meeting, everyone shares their winning 'tool' (haha, get it?), their idea to become a millionaire. Tanya shares her idea about putting poems in food, which gets mixed results from the crowd, but still quite an applause. After interrogating Ray for a while, the host manages to squeeze out of him that his winning tool is his big dick...but that didn't really happen. He makes up some lie and stops going to the meetings. The next day, he puts an ad in the Detroit Times as Big Donnie and goes to his ex-wife's house asking for money. He realizes she has a husband again.

He gets his first client. Ray goes to the hotel room, but the client slips a note under the door saying "I changed my mind". After getting angry at the door for a while, Ray gets fifty dollars from her, whoever she may have been. I, personally, think it was Tanya, but who knows? Ray does the right thing and gives it to his son so he can see a concert.

Tanya meets Ray in his tent. He shows her his ad and she laughs. She gives him a lyric cake and agrees to pimp him out for a portion of his earnings. Ray has become a ho.

I really think Hung is off to a great start, but I liked it better when it was called Secret Diary of a Call Guy.

"Pilot" Grade: A-

Nurse Jackie "School Nurse"

Nurse Jackie has been continually good, but if it doesn't start getting better, I may lose interest. The first episode was definitely the best so far and the other ones have been good, not great. The problem is that there is much less development going on and I would really like to know more about our characters. On with the recap-

We open with another boring Jackie voiceover. Pretentious hospital jokes, blah, blah, blah, I hate being a nurse, but I love it anyway, blah, blah, blah. Suddenly, Jackie is disturbed when she notices a kid has been wheeled in. The kid fell off something in a playground and Momo lifts him onto a bed. Meanwhile, Cooper (Coop, for short) rejoices over the fact that his new case is somebody with a gunshot wound. Cheery.

Zoey is left to reassure the mother and twin that everything is okay. As always it is when O'Hara walks in and tells them that he's stabilized, but he'll have to undergo some testing to make sure. Jackie tells them that it's okay because everything always is. The mother and child are so happy that they begin to cry and Jackie tells Zoey to hug them. So far, it seems as though Zoey's internship at the hospital has been pointless so far because all she has done is find missing ears and comfort a patient's relatives.

Kevin calls Jackie and tells her that Grace's teachers want to meet with them. She says she'll get there as fast she can until Eddie stops her in the hall. She makes a lame excuse as to why she can't have sex with him that nobody would ever believe if they ever knew Jackie.

Momo and Zoey have a conversation about twins. Momo mentions that he once had a twin, but he died when Momo was young. The only reason I'm mentioning this is because it sounds important later on.

Jackie reaches Kevin at the school. The sit down and have a meeting with a teacher, the school nurse, and the district psychologist. They have all concluded that Grace has anxiety disorder based on a picture that she has drawn that is monotone and missing a sun and the fact that she walks around her desk three times to make sure planes don't fall out of the sky. Maybe she forgot to do that ritual the day that Oceanic Flight 815 fell to the "Lost" island. Jackie is offended by this conclusion and confronts the school nurse about it. After she gives her some lies about accepting her daughter's disorder, Jackie curses her out in front of an elementary schooler. Isn't Jackie such a great person? A little while later she gets a text from Eddie reading "Me so horny." What is this? The 40 Year Old Virgin? Remember that line..."She was the nastiest Asian fuck. She would always say 'Awww, me so horny, me wove you wong time." Haha. Ah, Steve Carrell.

This text prompts Jackie to buy another phone--one for Kevin, one for Eddie. This is the setup for a joke in which they both call her at the same time and she says to both of them "Can't talk right now, love you, bye." Pretty funny, actually.

After the little boy is completely recovered, the twin hugs O'Hara and won't let go. As usual, she doesn't know how to react other than to leave him with Zoey. Zoey then becomes preoccupied with a patient after she asks for an interesting case. The woman dies, not because of Zoey, though and as one would expect, Zoey cries. Jackie finds this and says "Everybody has their first. I remember mine. Nursing is hard and when it gets easy, it's time to retire." and then leaves. This would be the clip I would show at the Emmy Award if I could pick one.

Jackie concludes not to give Grace anti-anxiety medicine. She takes a highliter and draws a sun in her picture. Because that will make everything better, right?

"School Nurse" Grade: B+

Weeds "Super Happy Lucky"

As the fifth season of Weeds continues to go on in Ren Mar, the Botwins continually lose morals which is what this episode is about. It is an examination of how little morals you can possibly have and still substain a successful life.

The episode opens with Nancy shooting deer as part of a game in a bar. She's still wearing an odd thing on her head from last episode and it still isn't working out for her. Andy comes up beside her and instructs her not to hit rabbits and yet, would it matter? Nancy has left a trail of humans behind her including a few husbands and a drug lord or two, so why should it matter if she hits a fake rabbit? Andy brings her home. Shortly after the family sits down, Esteban arrives with a new bodyguard for Nancy named Ignacio. He's funnier than the last two and tasers Andy on arrival because Andy has called him a thug. Here's a change. A Mexican other then Esteban who understands English. Of course, Shane, being a pubescent youth, doesn't react to this well and gets mad at Esteban for "sticking his penis in her vagina". I guess she never told them about when he raped her two days ago.

Shane sees his teacher smoking in the environmental garden. His teacher asks him for more 'product' and Shane promises he'll give him more. He goes home and puts a few 'sandwiches' from last season into a bag. Andy sees this and makes a remark on the depreciating morals of the Botwin family. He's one to talk. Plus, those sandwiches are probably already rotting. I think they've been in that refrigerator for a few weeks on that show. I really don't think you would want to smoke any weed that was in those. He comes back to school and gives it to his teacher, but the teacher drives away without paying him. Shane just stands there in awe.

Meanwhile, Silas and Doug investigate space for selling in their medical marijuana club. The go to an angry Asian lady who argues with them for awhile. She asks them what they're even planning to sell anyway and Silas says that he's going to be selling 'compassionate care'. She thinks that they're some kind of Jesus freaks. Silas has already gotten with Mary Kate Olsen in Season 3. Been there, done that. With the help of the corrupt police officer, they make a bargain with her and get the space.

While Nancy is at home, she receives a baby swing from Andy and has trouble putting it together. While she is trying desperately to put it together without the manual, Ignacio brings in Roy Till who has been watching Nancy from across the street. Ignacio has tasered him which has cause Roy to pee in his pants. Nancy tasers Ignacio which causes him to pee in his pants as well. Since Nancy is the best person at solving difficult situations, she handcuffs both of them to her bed. They explain to her that she has to make a choice for who lives and who dies. Someone rings the doorbell. Of course, it's Celia who wants to live with Nancy. Nancy says no and slams the door on her face.

While this crisis is going, Nancy takes a little break and goes for a stroll. She finds Andy working out in her garage. She calls him stupid politely. He looks inside a boxing glove and finds some information about Judah's 30 year old bank account. The teller at the bank explains that money is continuing to pile up in the account and that she'll let him have it on one condition--he goes on a date with her.

Esteban arrives to a stressed Nancy who is looking to a Magic Eight Ball for help. It probably makes better decisions than Nancy ever would anyway. To forget all the stress, he walks with her on the beach. I guess true love outweighs for Nancy.

"Super Happy Lucky"-Grade: A-

True Blood: Scratches

True Blood is also a show I've watched since it started. It has gotten steadily better since the beginning and is still great. Erotic and thrilling all at once, True Blood manages to please me for its 50 something minutes everytime it's on. Tonight's one was the best of the three this season so far.

It starts off where the last cliffhanger left us. Sookie and Bill are fighting over the incident with Jessica's family. Sookie attempts to explain that it wasn't her fault, that she didn't know Jessica was going to get out of the car. These retorts are of no use to Bill as he dismisses them very fast. Did Sookie honestly believe that Jessica wasn't getting out of the car? I mean, really, come on, it doesn't take an idiot to figure out that she was lying when she said that! As the show gets progressively better, Sookie progressively loses IQ points. I swear she was smarter and more likeable when we first met her.

Sookie walks out of the car. Karma for her stupidity comes in the form of what looks to be a minotaur. Well, actually, it's a maenad. I did my research. A maenad is an animal that feeds off lust and hatred. It makes three long gashes in Sookie's back and she falls to the ground because the pain is so intense. Jessica convinces Bill that he should go look for her because she won't come back to the car. Bill finds her and gives her his blood in attempt to heal her. She begins to have a seizure. Maybe it's lupus. (House, anyone?)

They rush Sookie to Fangoria. Jessica drives the car home. Eric calls a medicine doctor that says that she's seen these sort of wounds from a dragon before. The doctor pours a clear liquid on Sookie's back to boil out the poison from the claws. Meanwhile, Pam tries to resist going out in the woods to look for the monster because she's wearing her favorite high heeled shoes. Personally, I thought they were ugly and should have been lost to the mud in the woods. When she comes back, they're soiled and she has found no monster.

Sookie wakes up healed on a table in Fangoria. She can hear Ginger's thoughts which reveal that Lafayette is in the basement. Sookie lurks on her thoughts once more to find a gun which she uses to threaten Ginger to take her to him. She finds Lafayette alive, but just barely. Eric finds the two down there and works out a deal in which Sookie must go to Dallas to look for Goddrick, a lost vampire. Seems like the show is finally coming back to the books.

Jason's unimportant storyline continues at the Fellowship convention. While he's in a meeting, he remembers that he is troubled by dreams of the vampire he killed for his blood and confesses this to the female leader. She then confesses to him that she lost her sister to a vampire and pushes Jason further away from fighting for vampire rights.

Tara and Marianne continue to clash. She asks Marianne why she won't let her leave in a very subtle way, but Marianne ignores her and rolls a large and amazing joint. Maybe she gets MILF weed from Nancy Botwin (I'm just full of 'em today, aren't I?). Tensions boil over at a party in which Tara and Eggs finally kiss. Then, women start taking of their tops and acting like sluts. A topless girl comes over and gives Eggs a massage which prompts Tara to retire to her room and be mad at him. The party gets all "Eyes Wide Shut" and turns into a wild orgy. There's even a part where a fat man who I thought was a pregnant woman at first jumps into the swimming pool. Of course, anything too revealing is obscured by his belly, thank God.

Even more sex occurs when Jessica realizes that nobody is home, goes to Merlotte's, and brings home a guy of her own. When Bill and Sookie finally reach the house and start hooking up, they bump open a door and find Jessica having sex. Bill throws her against a wall. Sam takes a nude midnight swim. Daphne shows up to join him, complaining that he's to hard on her. He's about to be too hard inside her. Sorry, had to say that one. Anyway, he apologizes and she removes her shirt. All's not well when there's scars from the scratches from that monster too. There's the old True Blood twist.

"Scratches" Grade: A

Harper's Island: Splash

Hey, here's my first post. I've been watching Harper's Island since it first started. I'm not totally crazy about it, but it's a good summer show because it's just fun and that's all. Some of the episodes I've hated, some I've liked. This one was just okay. The three preceding this one were quite nice, but some of "Splash" was just plain stupid.

In "Splash", many characters meet their deaths in, of course, gory manners. The beginning immediately picks up in the Cannery with all the female wedding guests minus Abby. Let me tell you that it is the oldest stereotype in the book that all the men stand up and fight for the women. Anyway, immediately, John Wakefield, the killer if you didn't know, barges in. Nikki is stupid and tries to stab Wakefield and fails miserably, leading to her own death. Another guy, whose name slips my mind because he is less important, tries to kill Wakefield is a poor shot as is everyone else is in the show. Wakefield forces a long spear through him and so ends that character. All the other women escape when the character who just died comes back for one last breath. So stupid.

Next, we have Abby who finally meets up with the other guests who are out and about on the island. They ask her if she is okay, which she is, and Abby decides that she is bent on killing the killer. If you're trapped on an island with a killer, wouldn't the smart thing to do be run away from him and not come out to fight him? Sounds like a surefire way to get murdered. A lot of other things happen in which one of them involves them going to a church when they hear the bell ringing. Don't these people watch any horror movies? They look around and realize that nobody is there, but wait...where is Chloe? In a drain vent and imprisoned by Wakefield, of course! Cal somehow rescues her, also tries to shoot Wakefield, fails, and falls off a bridge. Chloe commits suicide over this.

Trish, Madison, and Beth go to the police station where the find all of the Sheriff's files on Wakefield. They find a file on none but...Jimmy! A second killer? More like another red herring which this show seems to be full of. Now that the writers want us to believe it's Jimmy, it can't be. I still stick with my theory that Abby is somehow in cahoots in all this. Also, I doubt Chloe actually died, but whatever, she was expendable anyway. As was Cal. See you in two weeks for the two hour season finale! Hope it's good.

"Splash"-Grade: B-